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T0lly

They are going to get really bruised up with no padding.


Beersie_McSlurrp

And the ice burns......owwwwwwwww


turbobofish

Ice burn? Is that like cold carpet burn? Or more like freezer burn on live flesh?


wasntit

Tons of padding in that picture.


Rcklss23

Who brought the rockets, boys???


ChirpinFromTheBench

Yew!


der5er

Is Scotty Wallis in here?


IAmZod

He keeps bad company!


FFDuhvid522

Allegedly


zodiacallymaniacal

Wheel, snipe, celly boys!


casg355

dirty fuckin dangles boys!


Abrahamlinkenssphere

Who’s billet sisters a fuckin rocket bois?


ORLAking

Take about 20% off her there


dfraggd

Ferda!


Darth_Shoresy

Give yer balls a tug.


MrStone2you

FUCK YOU, SHORESY!


Darth_Shoresy

Fuck you MrStone2you. I made yer mum so wet last night Trudeau deployed a 24 hour national guard unit to stack sand bags around my bed.


hows_your_old_lady

Fuck you relevant user name. Your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium.


ezmtl

Fuck you Shorsey!


qpv

Fuck you Shorsey


Darth_Shoresy

Fuck you qpv. Shoulda heard your mom last night she sounded like my great aunt when I pop in for a surprise visit like, ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh


fizzlefist

Fu… fuck you Shoresy!


Darth_Shoresy

Fuck you fizzlefist. Your mum loves butt play like I love Häagen-Dazs. Let's get some fuckin' ice cream.


badreportcard

You're spare parts, bud


TheAVGN

Fuck you Shorsey!


Darth_Shoresy

Fuck you, TheAVGN. Tell yer mum to top up my Visa so I can get some KFC.


TheAVGN

**Fuck you, Shoresy!**


NomadJones

"Door isn't open to everyone here. Just because her mitt looks like the back of Christ's head doesn't mean you can treat it like a church." "You want to talk about unpredictable, Betty Anne? Who would have thought that the girl who ingested mosquito eggs after drinking from mud puddles would ever almost be accepted to community college?" "Well done, Betty Anne. Catholic school, grade 6. Isn't that the same year you got the nickname 'Fisted Sister'... which you gave yourself?"


Dragonsinger16

“The last time Maryann got any action was from the priest in grade 6, and that was because he thought she was a boy” “Mmmm I love ice cream Maryann, you might reminds me of a melted cherry popsicle with dryer lint stuck all over it”


tegho

I have to know. WTF are these from?


thetravelingsong

Letterkenny


NomadJones

The Canadian show "Letterkenny" - it's two of the women's hockey team players "chirping" (insulting each other).


WetTheDrys

Dirty fuckin dangles, boys!


kevin9er

Crush mad sandos


weatherseed

Appies and nappies!


DoWk

Dirty FUCKIN’ dangles, boys!


Shower-Beers

Give er balls a tug


_omid

Dirty, fuckin’, dangles boys!


Bookislovakia

Knows, Tommy knows!


kickassvashti

big city slams, boys


The_Real_Manimal

Just droppin' mitts and suckin' tits, boys.


MrStone2you

How're'ya'now?


revcanon

Good. n you?


MrStone2you

Not s'bad...


swiftreddit75

Want a dart? Or maybe a puppers?


speedracer73

I’d have a dart


MrStone2you

Well, a beer and a dart go together like a piss and a fart...


kevin9er

Goodnyou


Calad

dibs on those digis boys


wellwaffled

I already dibbed digis, buddy!


wHUT_fun

A dibs is a dibs is a dibs!


-malcolm-tucker

Katie, put some fucking clothes on.


khiron

Not my forté (or theirs). EDIT: Can't spell things correctly. It's fucking embarrassing.


chaos_is_a_ladder

Pull yer finger outta yer ass


SpikePilgrim

Give your balls a tug


ssauronn

Unfortunate.


WetTheDrys

Whose billet sister's a fuckin' rocket, boys?


jmm57

Dirty fuckin dangles, boys


LookOut_itsThatGuy

YEW!


ocelot__babou

Upvotes to this whole thread


mrjake118

I could donk all day!


Dan-Defyno

Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish, threw off the pH levels in my aquarium.”


cowboy_dude_6

This is my absolute favorite Shoresy scene. >Fuck you Reilly, your mom ugly cried cause she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night, it's fucking amateur hour over there


Noahgooner

Y E double YEW


thegedi97

Stick me right to her bois


terriblestoryteller

Ive had plenty of great ideas betty-ann, like getting your dad to get a vasectomy so no more of your came out when I fuck him.


Arcadian_

tarps off indeed.


Wumologist123

Who's billet sister is a fuckin' rocket, boys?


ABucketFull

It took me wayyyyy too long when the hockey players kept saying ships and the different kinds. I didn't realize how dumb I was until someone said championships for the eighth time really slow to annunciate the ship part.


fizzlefist

That’s fuckin’ embarrassing!


weatherseed

*Coach*! Players only meeting.


fizzlefist

Oh… I’m so sorry…


arizonadreamin

Barb, of course, went outside and washed up with the garden hose


RPGeoffrey

Wish you weren't so awkward bud.


PATM0N

Big city titties!


spinozasrobot

[Here's another woman from the ESPN Body Issue](https://feb0bc5a349b13c34266-81ef00805f49b51a661d941e7db39a88.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/20120315_ESPN_2_039_0105_v4_NoF_RGB.jpg) US Sailor Anna Tunnicliffe.


JonnySnowflake

I wonder at what point she got naked for this shot. Like did she leave the dock naked, or strip down once they were at sea?


exdigguser147

Anyone who has spent any amount of time sailing knows that we cover our bodies as much as possible because its one of the fastest ways to get a sunburn possible.


_BindersFullOfWomen_

My exact thought seeing the picture. She’s gonna need a lot of aloe.


Lord_ThunderCunt

That flair.


boatdude420

Or on the water at all. I do crew and it’s extraordinarily easy to get a really bad burn in less than an hour if you don’t put on enough sunscreen.


Draiko

She left the dock fully clothed but ***SIR*** Patrick Stewart showed up in a schooner and her clothes fell off. She tried to sail away but it was too late, he'd seen everything. He'd seen it all. Edit: Needed to be done


TMBTs

That's SIR Patrick Stewart to you boyo


catsandcheetos

I like this image because while she’s naked she’s not posing sexually or anything and it’s just a cool image of the body doing something amazing. I’d say the same if it was a man in the pic. I wish the hockey team photo showed them actually playing the sport but maybe it’s hard to do that tastefully lol.


SlapunowSlapulater

I love the ESPN body issue. The [image](https://a.espncdn.com/photo/2016/0705/r100071_3776x4500cc.jpg) of [Vince Wilfork](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vince_Wilfork) is always what I think of.


RimsOnAToaster

God damn I love me some Thicc Vince 🥰


SlapunowSlapulater

His [interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TwMjCQMgQo) on the day he posed is interesting to me.


Lunarath

[https://a.espncdn.com/prod/styles/pagetype/otl/20190903\_body/images/2017/uswht/01\_uswht\_1200.jpg](https://a.espncdn.com/prod/styles/pagetype/otl/20190903_body/images/2017/uswht/01_uswht_1200.jpg) Here's a much better picture of the US hockey team. Definitely looks like they're still posing, but it feels less sexual imo


graspme

God damn she is shredded. Makes me want to work out now.


anormalgeek

Me too... ...Wait... Nevermind, the feeling passed. Back to fucking around on reddit. Edit: autocorrect screwed me over.


aedroogo

You know what would be awesome? Cheesecake.


UnsolicitedCounsel

or hot chocolate with whipped cream and a cinnabon


jerryleebee

Now THAT'S a fascinating image. Man or woman ... doesn't matter. Seeing the human body doing the job it was trained for at peak performance is fascinating and beautiful.


FiftyShadesOfGregg

Exactly. The Body Issue is normally people playing their sport or doing something physical where it’s amazing to see a human body in peak physical fitness. If these ladies were actually playing hockey, it would be awesome. But the posing makes it kind of a bizarre “ladies of hockey calendar!”-esque photo that’s just not doing anything besides “look, butts.” This sailing shot is phenomenal. Shots of track and field and gym athletes have similarly been phenomenal— Tori Bowie’s and Aly Raisman’s come to mind and were fucking dope.


CardamomSparrow

Body Issue does have a pure cheesecake/beefcake shot every now and then. [E.g. Philly Eagles](https://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/27400369/the-body-issue#!eagles)


EdithDich

It's cool because it's not at all sexualized, either.


Babayagamyalgia

Praise the cameraman, this is a fantastic shot!


sjgbfs

Wow, that picture is stunning. It's such a striking display of strength, instantly makes anyone go "ok yeah, that right there is an athlete". I kinda wish her face had more focus, she makes it look easy. *slow clap to both athlete and photog*


Spatetata

Holy fucking core. I think I always underestimate just how much it takes do to water based sports like sailing/kayaking.


Guac__is__extra__

Excuse me ma’am, you can just buy a bidet at Home Depot. No need to go to such great lengths.


KillerInfection

Oh yeah? Which aisle has a seawater bidet? None? OK you do your job and let me do mine, buddy.


SamnitesFall

I guess I had no idea you could get shredded intercostal muscles. 😳


OldAction

She got them sailing intercoastal


rolfraikou

This actually shows off the raw strength of an athlete instead of feeling like it's just butts for the sake of butts.


cjandstuff

Carved goddess statue right there.


Ayit_Sevi

I think this one is better because it actually shows them at work, her core strength must be out of this world


foreskin_hoodie

[Here's the post from 4 years ago with more pics](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/6lnd8b/for_everyone_asking_here_is_the_us_womens_hockey/)


Paradachshund

I'm just imagining being asked to do this at any old regular job.


RunnyPlease

Computer Programming Monthly - The Body Issue.


wellwaffled

Fun story. I work in the nuclear field. When you leave a radiologically controlled area, you have to get in a counter you basically lean back in with your arms and legs wide. Well, I got contaminated and basically you strip and scrub until the counter says you’re good. After a few rounds of this, the door to the buffer area where the counter resides opens. It’s my VP leading a gaggle of suits for a tour and there I am, looking like a starfish in the counter with only my boxers and one boot. With nothing else really to say, my VP says, “Mr. u/wellwaffled is very serious about casual Fridays.”


slowbrowithafro

This is now my favorite work story I’ve ever heard


jackoirl

Do you not have casual Friday where you work?


Paradachshund

"Brad, you're going to be butt to butt with Jimmy from accounting"


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Sp4RkyMcG7

You had that bookmarked, didn't you?


SOSOBOSO

One has a goalie stick. I bet nobody noticed.


AUniquePerspective

She's a keeper.


ralcal

This guy pucks


Singl1

skatin on real thin ice here with these puns


Drofmum

First time this has ever been a legitimately witty comment


lowaltflier

They have sticks?


CountRizo

Dude, there's ice, too. I just noticed it.


BuckyJackson36

I hadn't noticed any sticks at all til you mentioned it.


Sometimes_Stutters

Her butt is smaller, which makes sense for a goalie.


jangma

Huh. You'd think they'd do more squats.


Buttholepussy

Also goalie skates… I’d put money on it that she plays right wing.


LightsJusticeZ

Reminds me I gotta buy more toner for my printer.


joedurette

I gotta buy a printer.


stratus41298

Buy more toner to contribute to your boner.


space-tech

ESPN does this every year with women *and* men. In 2019 they did the Philadelphia Eagles offensive line. [https://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/\_/id/27400369/the-body-issue#](https://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/27400369/the-body-issue#)!


Naptownfellow

Thanks for the link. What a fantastic inside look at the human body when it’s in its peak physical form.


redditor-for-2-hours

I did not expect to feel better about myself by comparing myself to professional athletes. But not everyone has the "perfect" 6-pack bodies, the biggest muscles, the "optimal" instagram influencer-type body. Everyone is built differently. When you bend, your skin folds. When the light hits a certain way, you don't look perfect like in magazines. Everyone is different, and there's no one definition of perfect. I always thought the ESPN body issues, due to their controversy, were pretty much just about the whole "sex sells" concept. Turns out, they were the OG of body positivity.


ItinerantSoldier

Well not every year. ESPN stopped making print magazines two years ago and that year's body issue was the last issue ever. Won't be making any more.


-Strawdog-

I actually find this really cool and not sexual at all. We have a lot of weird hangups about naked bodies. It is interesting to see how the work of different sports create different types of bodies.


MooMooHeffer

[https://imgur.com/98xAjmO](https://imgur.com/98xAjmO) Prefer this one for them when it comes to ESPN's body issue series. Shows off all the work they put into their bodies so much better.


16sardim

I mean I’m not complaining. But. Why? Edit: Jeebus, this really blew up. Should have figured when there were butts involved lol Butt seriously, I appreciate the internet points y’all. Also thank you for informing me it’s for ESPN’s body issue. Didn’t know about that! For the people being a jerk towards women’s sports below, maybe don’t be that way 👍🏻


JebusMarine

ESPN Magazine “Body” issue


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EatYourCheckers

[Here ya go everybody](https://www.espn.com/espnw/athletes-life/story/_/id/13422652/how-gymnast-aly-raisman-got-body)


CaptainOwnage

Holy shit. She is a goddess. I just looked at the disgusting mass I call my stomach and felt a little bad. Thankfully the vodka makes that emotion go away, mostly.


JesustheSpaceCowboy

Did y’all see Cleveland Browns defensive end Myles Garrett’s picture. Dude is 200% muscle his biceps have biceps.


DawgCheck2

[This is earlier this season](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FA5N7s7XMAQSBL9?format=jpg&name=small) and I swear it looks like he's gotten even bigger since


Jwagner0850

From that angle, dude looks like he got too big for his own head lol. Dude is JACKED!


DawgCheck2

He looks like that from other angles too. When he takes down a 6'5" quarterback it looks like a fully grown adult wrestling a 12 year old.


rusty_rampage

Imagine that fucker trying to hit you in the head with a helmet. GOD DAMN!


cyclingwonder

[his ~~quads~~ legs are huge!](https://media.wkyc.com/assets/WKYC/images/284c8fe3-a66b-4d9d-a817-8a4ceefb1ddc/284c8fe3-a66b-4d9d-a817-8a4ceefb1ddc_1140x641.jpg)


ApplecakesMcGee

All that muscle and all that training and still nothing can prepare you for the odd sensation of radiant heat from sunlight on your scrote sack.


Jeduthun86

Standing naked in front of a cast iron wood stove going full blast is similar. It will also make you very sleepy.


JesustheSpaceCowboy

And he’s only gotten bigger since then. He wore a sleeveless Jersey in a game and got hit with a “random” piss test for nearly three weeks straight this season.


Zeaus03

I think a lot people don't realize how shredded some of these ladies get. My wife competed at top the of figure skating and was just pure muscle. I don't know quite how to explain it, but there's a hardness the body reaches at some point and we usually associate it with more physical sports but these ladies have that hardness with the flexibility. Some people are just physical freaks of nature that is hard to contemplate.


ThugsutawneyPhil

Yeah like Will Ferrell in blades of glory!


Zeaus03

Unfortunately she thinks Blades of Glory is the pinnacle of cinematography.


yodels_for_twinkies

Well, it pretty much is


Aeldergoth

Look at any of the hockey dude ones. Ryan Kesler was ridiculously cut.


yourmomcantspell

Phil Kessel has entered the chat


Aeldergoth

With a Stanley Cup full of hot dogs.


Anon_Rocky

Ever see Vince Wilfork naked? Check it out


EatYourCheckers

[Link:](https://twitter.com/rachelnmarcus/status/748502424076292096?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E748502424076292096%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.masslive.com%2Fpatriots%2F2016%2F06%2Fhere_it_is_vince_wilfork_poses.html)


MisogynysticFeminist

It’s not often I willingly look for images of naked men, but how could I not in this case?


avocado_jesus

Saquon Barkley's espn body issue is my favorite


Biotrigger

Mine is Vince Wilfork


PrincessBucketFeet

The best! A well-conditioned athlete right there. Also great was this Q&A from that issue: >ESPN: What's it like to be someone your size in everyday life? >Vince: People who don't know me, when they see me they kind of step back and just stare at me and say, "Dang, he's a big dude." >Bianca (wife): Good thing you are an athlete, because if not, then they would just be looking at you for your size [laughs]. >Vince: True fans and guys who follow the sport, they know who I am. But sometimes I do get those people that look at me and kind of stop and just stare at me, which I hate. >Bianca: And then they'll say, "Do you play ball?" and he'll tell them no, he's a gynecologist. >Vince: Yes, that's what I do.


IGot32FlavorsOfThis

Bro is 90% ass cheek


You_Crazy

90% per ass cheek. He’s 180% on just his ass. And then his quads and hammies put him over 500% human. I’m not convinced he isn’t just 5 little persons that formed together like Voltron.


Me4aRZ

While it may seem sexist because this post is about the Womens Hockey team and seems like it’s objectifying them, nothing is more glorious than [Joe Thornton and Brent Burns buck-ass-naked](https://images2.imgbox.com/f2/93/gSrbqvQ6_o.jpg) with their glorious beards flying in the wind. ESPN’s Body Issue seems like the celebration of the human body in peak athletic performance.


Calypsosin

Good god. This is fantastic.


EyeBreakThings

Came here for this, as a long time San Jose Sharks fan, Jumbo and Burnsies photos were freaking hilarious. Also[Jumbo's threa](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/1o6023/joe_thornton_would_unzip_his_pants_if_he_scored/)t to "unzip it" if he scored 4 goals in a single game. Complete empty threat as Joe was known as a passer.


EasyWhiteChocolate1

I never really understood the concept behind ESPN magazine having athletes pose buck-nekk-ed but I suppose you hit it on the head with >ESPN’s Body Issue seems like the celebration of the human body in peak athletic performance. Reminds me of something I think Bruce Lee once said; (paraphrasing here) that every human being owes it to themselves to see their body in peak physical condition at least _once_ in their lifetime.


Frostmoth76

It's from Socrates: “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”


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sovietmcdavid

Xenophon quoting [Socrates](http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Xen.%20Mem.%203.12&lang=original): it is a disgrace to grow old through sheer carelessness before seeing what manner of man you may become by developing your bodily strength and beauty to their highest limit. But you cannot see that, if you are careless; for it will not come of its own accord


Additional_Zebra5879

At first I thought… why does that exist… then I realized… curiosity


Waymoresbooze

Pervieness aside it is pretty cool to see the human body at its physical peak.


thedmandotjp

This is why the original Olympics were done naked


NJ_Legion_Iced_Tea

This isn't that different than marble statues of nude Olympians when you think about it. It's just that the Ancient Greeks didn't have access to these in their homes.


folkdeath95

More hockey players https://imgur.com/a/Y0x4q8x


undearius

Zdeno Chara naked is not something I had expected to see in my life.


DriveByStoning

You should see him dressed as a bunny.


thomoz

Well. I am now a Hilary Knight fan.


YELLOyelloYELLOW

playboy did a whole section on US olympians like 15 years ago. idk if they did it any other time, i found the mag as a kid. ​ [https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/UD0AAOSwiEVeokU\~/s-l400.jpg](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/UD0AAOSwiEVeokU~/s-l400.jpg) this is the cover. remember it like it was yesterday.


HCJohnson

WHERE ARE THE 12 PAGES?!


Responsible-Pause-99

THE GOOGLE BOYS! AMERICAS NEWEST BILLIONAIRES! Man for some reason it feels like Google was there my whole life.


matthero

> Plus: E-voting What a crazy issue of PlayBoy. Lol


J-Wizard

It's for the 2017 ESPN Body Issue: https://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/\_/page/body/espn-body-issue-2017#!


Davethisisntcool

I said this verbatim out loud 😅


withervoice

Exactly this, clicked in to say just that. They're lovely but... how the heck did this come about? For what purpose was this picture taken?


whymustyoudothis123

in my experience in hockey rinks they are pretty cold so they should be wearing jackets or something


practicallyadvice

And head protection. I always fall when on skates.


mcotton82

I bet they are better skaters than most.


staminadrain

That ice looks dangerous. I see a bunch of cracks.


Murderyoga

They all look vaguely pissed off. Like I didn't ask to see your ass lady.


imitation_crab_meat

Isn't being vaguely pissed off just part of hockey? Gotta be ready to throw down...


Brangur

You can tell the one on the left of the goalie isn't afraid to go gloves off


SillyMattFace

Yeah I feel like I just walked in and interrupted them. Big “excuse me, can I help you?” vibes.


leaguelism

This post is misleading. This is actually a picture of the Women's Team in Iran before the Islamic Revolution.


FinnKafka28

I understood this reference


bigwebs

Fun how things make the rounds on Reddit.


Roscoe_Pee_Coltrane

Opened Reddit at the just the right time.


imaketrollfaces

> Opened Reddit at the just the right time. Wrong side. Should have opened from the other side of the screen.


BadWolfK9

I'd buy this calendar